An open letter to the persons who trespassed onto the future home of my brother and sister-in-law, decided to have themselves a little party, and left behind countless smashed beer bottles, badly damaged kitchen cupboards, and dents in the walls, including a big dent in the wall just under the cathedral ceiling in the foyer:
Dear Brain Trust,
In general, I am not a big fan of mindless destruction, but this week, I'm reeeeeeally not a fan of mindless destruction. I am also not terribly rational about Wrongs Done to Me and Mine.
Praying will not help you now. And don't even think of looking over your shoulder. You may, however, invest in some nice soft pillows for which to cushion your bottoms. But don't be getting any false senses of security. You'll still be ruing the day your father and mother ever met.
Cordially,
Bakerina
An open letter to the builders of said future home, who I recognize are hardworking guys and who I'm sure just overlooked the fact that a nearly-completed house was still missing front- and back-door locks:
Dear Hardworking Guys, Etc.,
On the other hand, your prayers will be answered. Just as soon as you fix the walls, replace -- yes, replace -- the kitchen cabinets, and get those damn locks on the damn doors now. Are you installing the locks yet?
Cheerfully,
Bakerina
Alas, it will not be a schpedoinkle day when I find them. Well, it will be for me. But not for them. >